such despair!
Mar. 4th, 2025 11:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
luck4hopei have to go to my parents' house on thursday.
the last time i went back up there, i had nightmares for weeks, just to give you an idea of what's in store for me.
i need to clean today to open up space in the car to get as many things as possible so i never, ever have to go back up there again.
the stakes are pretty high-- i'm searching for a very sentimental childhood plushie, which i am pretty sure is in my room but otherwise has unknown whereabouts. if i can't find her, then that's... it, i guess. i don't know what i'd do after that. not only that, but i only have a limited window of time to get all this done, in a room that's frankly a total disaster area. i practically lived out of it, rarely venturing out, and was too depressed and in pain to clean. and it shows.
simply put, it's hard to search through, and i only have from 8am till 3:30 to do it. (can you guess what my mom's job is? thats right she's a science teacher and i dont know how she keeps her jobs because frankly she sucks as a teacher)
but things have been going pretty shitty for me. the pharmacy is out of stock of my painkillers so i'm using a (much less effective) substitute and holy god does it hurt, my eyes are so heavy from waking up at like 3:30 from a nightmare and not being able to get back to sleep, and the e key on my laptop is being a jackass for some reason
......this must mean something wonderful is going to happen! not just at my parents' house, but perhaps even because i went there! i just have to look forward to the good thing that will be my reward after all this!!!
i bought myself that bag. i need a reward for dealing with these people, and i wanted something to put my stuff in so it wouldn't fall out of my pockets. hopefully i'll be able to pick it up later today!
god i am in so much pain. and i still have to clean some more.... but the more i suffer now, the greater the good luck will be! all this suffering just means i just might find her!! and maybe even something better!! maybe something hidden in that hoarder house will be an amazing boon to me? or i can find my old hiking shoes that i swear to god are what komaeda's shoes are meant to be. iirc they even had the double zipper and everything. but i'll have to find them to know for sure
...ow. i wonder what the max dose on these things are....?
the last time i went back up there, i had nightmares for weeks, just to give you an idea of what's in store for me.
i need to clean today to open up space in the car to get as many things as possible so i never, ever have to go back up there again.
the stakes are pretty high-- i'm searching for a very sentimental childhood plushie, which i am pretty sure is in my room but otherwise has unknown whereabouts. if i can't find her, then that's... it, i guess. i don't know what i'd do after that. not only that, but i only have a limited window of time to get all this done, in a room that's frankly a total disaster area. i practically lived out of it, rarely venturing out, and was too depressed and in pain to clean. and it shows.
simply put, it's hard to search through, and i only have from 8am till 3:30 to do it. (can you guess what my mom's job is? thats right she's a science teacher and i dont know how she keeps her jobs because frankly she sucks as a teacher)
but things have been going pretty shitty for me. the pharmacy is out of stock of my painkillers so i'm using a (much less effective) substitute and holy god does it hurt, my eyes are so heavy from waking up at like 3:30 from a nightmare and not being able to get back to sleep, and the e key on my laptop is being a jackass for some reason
......this must mean something wonderful is going to happen! not just at my parents' house, but perhaps even because i went there! i just have to look forward to the good thing that will be my reward after all this!!!
i bought myself that bag. i need a reward for dealing with these people, and i wanted something to put my stuff in so it wouldn't fall out of my pockets. hopefully i'll be able to pick it up later today!
god i am in so much pain. and i still have to clean some more.... but the more i suffer now, the greater the good luck will be! all this suffering just means i just might find her!! and maybe even something better!! maybe something hidden in that hoarder house will be an amazing boon to me? or i can find my old hiking shoes that i swear to god are what komaeda's shoes are meant to be. iirc they even had the double zipper and everything. but i'll have to find them to know for sure
...ow. i wonder what the max dose on these things are....?
