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so i went back home
it was... alright, i guess? i found a LOT of cool stuff in that hoarder den, and i didn't have to deal with my mom.... i told my dad my new name, and after he promised to Be Normal, he later mocked it in a way that was.... really racist, actually. like Extremely racist. he then gave me enough money for a name change, a fact which i gleefully rubbed in his face
i found the first chunk of name change money in an old bag in my room, after ripping the sole off my favorite boot. so yay luck! but also aw damn curse my luck :(
i also also found some shoes that very much look like komaeda's. ive had them since before i played danganronpa!
but anyway about the name change. i won't do it yet.... i plan to go thrifting tomorrow to try my luck in the realm of better clothes. i'm just a bit... nervous.
what if someone recognizes where the name is from? what if someone doesn't, but questions why i have a very obviously japanese name when i do not look japanese even a little? like, people have tried to guess my ethnicity before, and they either land on the most common nonwhite ethnicity of the area OR The Ethnicity That They Are. but i dont look east asian, because i'm Not, and people are always sooo curious about my deadname (which is from the culture i'm from) like. people get curious about the names of people of color, especially if the name and the perceived ethnicity of the person don't "match." like can i just get weighed so my doctor will perscribe me medicine my insurance won't cover. please!
or idk maybe someone is gonna have a problem with the name mismatching my race because it's a Problem, or what if this is all just a phase or a delusion and i grow out of it and then i'd be stuck with a name like That?
i dunno. i guess my problem is, ive always been Weird, and with a name like this, i won't be able to covertly be Weird anymore. that'll just be who i am and there'll be no hiding
ironically, komaeda despises talent and on some level seems to want to just be normal. so even these desires are komaedaesque
i dunno. and it sucks that my dad was mean about it. like, it's like... i want to at least be cordial with him and have some kind of a normal relationship. i just refuse to bend over backwards and do exactly what he wants (like never change my name) in order to get that kind of relationship. i want him to give me a reason to like him, and he never really does. like on one hand i really didnt expect anything else but on the other hand i wish he'd do anything that would give me some cause to actually expect anything from him
whatever. i'll change my name someday. i just... have some loose ends first. stuff i still depend on him for. he doesn't get to know my real name after all that, so i'll wait until i don't need anything from him.
should i really change it to this? i got a preferred name thing on a library card and i was soo meek and stressed and anxious about it that i dont ever wanna go back to that library again. and the librarian didnt know what danganronpa was so to them i was just having a crash out for no reason. which is worse i think
anyway i just dont really know what to do. thrifring update coming 2morrow or something
it was... alright, i guess? i found a LOT of cool stuff in that hoarder den, and i didn't have to deal with my mom.... i told my dad my new name, and after he promised to Be Normal, he later mocked it in a way that was.... really racist, actually. like Extremely racist. he then gave me enough money for a name change, a fact which i gleefully rubbed in his face
i found the first chunk of name change money in an old bag in my room, after ripping the sole off my favorite boot. so yay luck! but also aw damn curse my luck :(
i also also found some shoes that very much look like komaeda's. ive had them since before i played danganronpa!
but anyway about the name change. i won't do it yet.... i plan to go thrifting tomorrow to try my luck in the realm of better clothes. i'm just a bit... nervous.
what if someone recognizes where the name is from? what if someone doesn't, but questions why i have a very obviously japanese name when i do not look japanese even a little? like, people have tried to guess my ethnicity before, and they either land on the most common nonwhite ethnicity of the area OR The Ethnicity That They Are. but i dont look east asian, because i'm Not, and people are always sooo curious about my deadname (which is from the culture i'm from) like. people get curious about the names of people of color, especially if the name and the perceived ethnicity of the person don't "match." like can i just get weighed so my doctor will perscribe me medicine my insurance won't cover. please!
or idk maybe someone is gonna have a problem with the name mismatching my race because it's a Problem, or what if this is all just a phase or a delusion and i grow out of it and then i'd be stuck with a name like That?
i dunno. i guess my problem is, ive always been Weird, and with a name like this, i won't be able to covertly be Weird anymore. that'll just be who i am and there'll be no hiding
ironically, komaeda despises talent and on some level seems to want to just be normal. so even these desires are komaedaesque
i dunno. and it sucks that my dad was mean about it. like, it's like... i want to at least be cordial with him and have some kind of a normal relationship. i just refuse to bend over backwards and do exactly what he wants (like never change my name) in order to get that kind of relationship. i want him to give me a reason to like him, and he never really does. like on one hand i really didnt expect anything else but on the other hand i wish he'd do anything that would give me some cause to actually expect anything from him
whatever. i'll change my name someday. i just... have some loose ends first. stuff i still depend on him for. he doesn't get to know my real name after all that, so i'll wait until i don't need anything from him.
should i really change it to this? i got a preferred name thing on a library card and i was soo meek and stressed and anxious about it that i dont ever wanna go back to that library again. and the librarian didnt know what danganronpa was so to them i was just having a crash out for no reason. which is worse i think
anyway i just dont really know what to do. thrifring update coming 2morrow or something
